Building Emotional Flexibility: A Journey Toward Healthier Relationships and Self-Growth

Developing emotional flexibility is essential for handling everyday situations and improving our relationships. Learning to manage and understand our emotions in a balanced way can transform our lives and make us more resilient. In this post, I share strategies to recognize our feelings, emotionally distance ourselves from challenges, and communicate more empathetically, helping us create healthier relationships with ourselves and others.

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How to Develop Greater Emotional Flexibility (from my point of view)

Recognize My Feelings: Often, I feel frustrated and angry when others say or do something that seems to reflect negatively on me.

Emotional Distance: I try to see situations more objectively. Not everything others do is about me or directed at me. Other people’s actions merely reflect their internal struggles and emotional states! Sometimes, what I say, though I may find it harmless from my perspective, can trigger various emotional wounds and traumas in others. Being more flexible means trying to understand what might be behind the actions or “mistakes” of others. This doesn’t mean justifying negative behaviors, but it can help me better understand them and respond more rationally.

Communication is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding misunderstandings or resentments. When dealing with emotionally fragile people, my approach can be similar to how I would talk to a 4-year-old child. And I mean it.  Speak calmly and softly. Avoid sarcasm and mocking facial expressions. Just as you would with a child, a comforting physical gesture, like a touch on the shoulder or a hug, can be soothing. Calmly say what bothers you: “I didn’t like when you said this because it made me feel this way.” Even if it’s a sensitive issue, staying calm and respecting the other person is key.

By accepting that mistakes are part of life, both others’ and my own, I become more resilient and less affected by others’ actions.

When I feel affected by someone’s actions, I use it as an opportunity to look inward and ask myself why this affects me. Accept my shadow, the less visible or socially acceptable aspects. Recognize and accept all parts of my personality, even those I would prefer to hide or deny. By accepting my shadow, I can be less critical and more empathetic towards others.

For example: In my perception — someone was arrogant toward me. I use this as an opportunity to look inward.

First: I recognize how I feel when I think someone is arrogant. Do I feel belittled, irritated, insecure?

Ask myself: Why does this person’s arrogance (or my perception of it) provoke this emotion in me? My reaction could be influenced by past traumas. I can also reflect on my own insecurities or traits I dislike in myself that I might be projecting onto the other person.

Consider the other person’s perspective: What I interpreted as arrogance could be a mask for insecurities, anxiety, or self-assertion.

Empathy: This can help soften the perception of something as negative. Understanding that everyone has their own struggles and challenges makes me less affected by their attitudes.

Now, imagine you need to improve your relationship with your parents. For example: I started to identify behaviors I consider toxic in my father or mother. What exactly do these behaviors provoke in me?

Reflect on my own life and behaviors: Are there situations where I might have exhibited similar behaviors, even in different contexts?

Like, If I think my father is toxic because he’s critical, I think about moments when I was critical of others.

Try to understand the origins of these behaviors. Often, negative behaviors are responses to past circumstances or traumas. Recognizing this can help me better understand both my own behaviors and those of others.

We attract what we transmit: The energy, emotions, and thoughts I carry into the world directly influence the types of experiences, people, and opportunities I attract. There is a correlation between our internal state and our external environment. When I am full of positive emotions like love and gratitude, I am more likely to attract similar behaviors and circumstances. On the other hand, if I often feel filled with negative emotions like anger and envy, I may attract more circumstances that perpetuate that state.

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Reflection and Forgiveness Exercise: (people)

What have I already forgiven?

Let me give you my example. I recognize that X has their own emotional wounds, which is a big step in the forgiveness process. A simple conversation (for me) might be triggering significant emotional wounds or traumas in that person. And so, their actions and words can be reflections of their own internal struggles. I can develop greater empathy for that person; their behavior often reflects their life experiences, not necessarily their intentions or feelings toward me.

What do I still need to forgive?

The emotional impact this had on me, especially anxiety. Forgiveness here means recognizing that feeling anger doesn’t mean agreeing with the behavior but rather freeing myself from the emotional burden of carrying that anger.

What has this brought me that’s good?

Empathy. The ability to put myself in another person’s shoes. Change. Not repeating the same mistakes, breaking these toxic traits.

I really recommend you do this exercise about the people who hurt you in the past.

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I apologize for this post being so long, but I believe this is an extremely important topic that we should all work on. I share these reflections because I am also on this journey of emotional management, especially as I deal with past traumas. I hope these strategies can serve as inspiration and support for anyone going through similar emotional challenges. We all face our own internal battles, and I believe that by cultivating greater emotional flexibility, we can create a healthier and more empathetic space for ourselves and others.

Thank you for joining me on this journey, and I hope this post can bring some light to your path as well.

Also, I’m sorry for not posting for a long time, but I’ve been incredibly busy with work and many projects (which I am grateful for), and many things happening in my life. I hope you understand. Buttttt lots of fun and exciting things coming!!

Love you all <3